*Twinkle

reminiscence

2008-09-11T15:59:00.005+08:00

i woke up this morning thinking about a certain 'you' and thinking about the times we had tgt n y we din wk out. i nv reali knew the reason, n i guess i nv reali told u how i felt for the few mths tt we were tgt too. perhaps it was mostly my fault for not voicing my views and feelings...things like : i din like keeping things in e dark, i dun like snoopin around to meet each other n coming up w/ reasons y we were seen tgt when we were seen tgt, n keep claiming tt we were juz frens when we were more than tt. in the ~7 mths tt we were tgt, i nv met ur family, nor did u reali tok abt them either...i dunno y but i guess it was my fault for not tellin u tt i liked an open rship which i have nth to hide, n a rship which involved family, which was y i alwayz invited ya to join us at my family events. at the beginning i wanted to make it official which you din wan, n aft a few mths i juz got kinda sick with whole thing that when it was ur turn to want to make it official, i din wan. i juz got tired with the whole tuo tuo la la feeling, like neither here nor there. i had alot of feelings bottled up in me tt i din tell anyone, not even my mum...n i juz kinda felt relieved when it ended. till this day i still feel that there are alot of things inside me, a lot of feelings tt i dunno how to describe in words, alot of feelings tt i also do not know it's origins, indescribable feelings...anyway, to all the hurt which i may have caused, i'm sorry. at least i know now that u're happy n i'm happy for u.

inconsistency and biasness

2008-09-08T15:26:00.004+08:00

being in charge requires u to be fair and unbias and to also fight for the pple under u, however i feel there is smtg lacking in u. a recent sign up where nothing has been confirmed yet, u din let me change my slots. i felt it was a little inflexible as the list has not been confirmed yet. yes i know that u do not have enough pple, but cant u put me at the bottom, where if enough pple, i dun wk, if not enough then fair enough i work la. but no, u juz said no without offering an alternative watsoever, in a tone n a body language tt i juz din feel like discussin it anymore. besides tt, u even told me that a particular slot which i wanted has been filled. hmmm funny thing is that u offered the same slot which u have told me is full to your fren who happened to tell me. interesting eh, i never knew u could keep slots for your frens. well missy, u never know who mite tell who things behind your back, so you beta work in a proper manner whereby u r fair.

kinda disappointed in the way you wk, never expected it to be like this. well, sorry madm, u juz made me lose my respect for ya.

ramblings...

2008-07-19T02:05:00.004+08:00

very very overdue...but Germany was great!!! ahha we went to Austria n Luxembourg too! n even went up to the Alps! haha who would have tot that we would see snow in summer?! hehe n it was my 1st time seeing snow n it was beautiful! =) hectic schedule and many eyeopeners...love the trip! now busy doing the posters and ppt for the symposium...busy busy busy...busy looking for jobs and gg for interviews! hope i get smtg tt i like...

last wk, dear dear brot me to west coast park! ahha we played all e slides n climbed the web n all...n he tortured me into walkin all e way to pandan reservoir! is tt wat's it's called?! haha aniwae, it was opposite his old rv compound, n we watched e sunset from there...a very beautiful sight...v romantic...i love it! thnx dear =)

after many many tiring days, after e end, a grp of us went fong seng to eat...it was fun! the jnrs this yr r great! ahha was able to get close to a grp of them, they're funny! haha v mischievious and crazy...hehe probably my playful n crazy side made me closer to them...hehhe

well square hat dae was good...took a lot of photos w/ my chem labmates n eurip mates n some pple fm hall came down to take w/ me...haha love dad n mum so much! kor tried to call me in e nite to congratulate me but i missed his call cos i was so tired i fell aslp... =( but at least i noe he called...miss him so much...wished he was here...gonna booked e family photo taking in e studio all next year then we can do it tgt when he graduates! =)

having a europe grp gathering next wk and silly xiao ke ai is trying to instigate everyone to throw me into the pool at e bbq! evil! ahha i shall try to divert all attention on her instead...afterall, she's smaller n thus easier to toss into the pool...hehe *evil grin* thnx to her plannin it thou, cos everyone's so busy now...hehe thnx xiao ke ai, even thou u got arrowed by the boss during the beer drinking session in rostock...muahaha

a fren's gg throu some rough patch in her rship w/ another fren of mine...so i'm kinda stuck in btwn...toked to her for more than 1/2 hr on e phone, dun reali know how to help...i see e rship gg downwards, reminding me of last time w/ zm...but i hope that everythin will work out for them...hopefully she has a gd tok to him tmr when he's back in spore...all e best dear!

freedom!!

2008-05-06T03:57:00.003+08:00

sigh...bored...finished exams real early this time...finished on 30 april, good n bad in a way, bad cos all papers ones aft e other..was v stressful, gd cos end early can play, bad cos no one to play w/...everyone still mugging, gd cos got time to pack rm out n get ready to shift out...haha so many things to do..gotta start looking out for job too! hehe kinda excited in starting wk n kinda scared cant get job too...so many pple now looking for jobs too...jia you jia you! =)

oh ya...seems i'm not gg to US after all, cos having comeone staying over at my hse so cant go abroad n leave tt person here, mum ask me to go w/ dad then she look aft hse, dad dun wanna leave her here alone, she ask me go w/ frens, but all so bz n all sae ex...so kor, guess i'll go over in dec to find u then..sorry! hmmm think i gotta start plannin to meet my grp members for the europe trip...gotta start preparing for the presentations that we gonna make here in spore n over there in europe as well...many things to do! sigh...hopefully being grp leader for this trip beta than e ucla trip! hopefully dun need to be alarm clock cos i think i need 1 myself! haha =p

updates...

2008-02-26T22:30:00.004+08:00

bangkok trip during Dec was fun! the wedding was very nice, the bride very pretty, and quite cool to experience a wedding in another culture... bot alot of clothes in Thailand, ahha so many till my mum made noise, she on the other hand bot alot of shoes! hehhe went there w/ like 2 pairs and came back with like 8!!! hahah

jan and feb was quite hectic with all the inter hall games but all my games finished by cny so i was able to enjoy a long weekend with no more trainings... cny was good, bro wasnt ard this time to enjoy but dear came visiting w/ us and likewise i went his hse too...

my bdae was quite fun too, met e usual grp of pple, odac and ij gals, celebrated in hall and with family oso...went to goodwood park hotel for high tea with parents and dear, too bad kor not around, think he wd have enjoyed it very much... kor sent back a coach bag for my bdae present! my 1st coach bag for work next time! =) mum oso bot me a tiffany bracelet, one tt i have alwayz wanted! hehe went to jack's place to eat escargots with dear too! yummy! bdae this yr was memorable cos did alot of things that din do...reali thnx to all who made it memorable =)

signed up for the europe immersion and went for interview and i got it!!! woohoo! so happy! so now after exams, gg to US to find kor in may then in june gg europe for nearly a whole mth! ahha so fun! and then aft that gotta go wk...boo...but kinda looking forward to learning and experiencing new things! looking out for jobs now, haven reali signed up thou...hehe

went to toni's 21st on sunday, her hse next to bukit timah nature reserve and there was so mnai monkeys! haha we had to keep an eye on the food! ehhe went early so went to climb the hill w/ some hall pple, fun and tiring at e same time...my 1st time climbin bukit timah hill! dear say i very swaku...haha but it was nice....dear knew the place liek the back of his hand cos he use to work there, interesting job eh...ehhe

dec updates

2007-12-16T02:43:00.000+08:00

it's been a while since i last updated...ended exams on the 4th, went to JB on the 5th with hall pple...abt 10 of us, of which 3 of them are msians but end up zj knew the way ard much beta than them..hehhe

was very fun, we watch a movie for RM6, then sing ktv for RM15 and did some shopping...jon ho was the only one that bot thou, he shops like my bro! haha hard to find guys who likes shopping, he was trying on clothes n i was giving him opinions, quite fun! haha it's fun gg abroad w/ dear too! so far this is the 2nd time le, 1st was kukup...end of this yr gg thailand tgt too! cant wait!! =)

been working everyday at T...very tired...long hours and everyday...sigh..i need a break! hsewarming is tmr (or rather later today), hope everythin goes well! juz unpacked aft shifting for like 3 mths...actually din fully unpack but gonna stuff all unpacked things into cupboard so tt guests wun see the mess! hehe will clear up aft hsewarming's over! i promise! =p

dear injured his toe on fri, smashed it against wall...how silly...hhaha...aniwae, it's fractured and now he cant realli walk a lot..sigh...he'll miss hsewarming tmr....sadx...get well soon! =)

Who Am I

2007-11-12T01:52:00.000+08:00

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind

Still you hear me when I'm calling
Lord you catch me when I'm falling
And you told me who I am
I am yours.

by Casting Crowns...

1 year...

2007-10-29T02:14:00.000+08:00

1 year of love, hopes and dreams...
1 year of happiness and bliss
n many more to come...=)

"you are my life"
n u are mine too...

thank you for loving me =)

6th wk and 7th wk

2007-08-13T21:54:00.000+08:00

my 6th wk in UCLA was my exam wk....had only 1 exam cos the management module was all presentations n skits...it was alrite...got my results le...A and A- ....quite happy with results la...at least din fail or else have to pay faculty back e $...hehehe

anyway on e last wk juz stayed around westwood area doing little shopping...then on fri when we had to shift out, a few of us gals we stayed a nite illegally in e lounge and played cha cha with the frontdesk pple, running fm e rm to e lounge n back again...we left a rm unlocked n was able to go back to use it for e nite aft the cleaners went in...heheh wat an adventure manx....

on sat early morn, we flew to san frans and the last few days were spent there...it was so so so cold! din feel like summer at all!!!....we went to fisherman's wharf, napa valley n solomon wine tours where i learned how to drink wine n reali appreciate it's taste n smell..., went to crookedest street, e goldengate and the bay bridges, sat a cruise on a sailboat, went to ghiradelli square to try chocs, tried climbing to twin peaks, tried gg to alcatraz but tix sold out so onli went ard it in e sailboat n took pics fm e outside...did an afternoon of shopping n bot lots of things...haha overall a very fun experience....we even brot back famous krispy kremes for our family n frens! ahah yummy but sweet! so so sweet....haha even my dad a sweet-tooth saes so...

so fast e wks have past and i'm now back here in spore n starting sch....miss ucla so much..if i could, i reali wdnt mind transferring credits over n finishing my degree there in e beautiful college....miss it so much....

5th wk

2007-07-31T01:34:00.000+08:00

nothing much happened this wk....wkdaes juz went shopping at Farmer's Market, followed by Rodeo Drive where i saw my Tiff &Co n compared prices....went for a house party at tim's oso...met alot of other international students oso...quite fun la...

guess the highlight of the wk was the disneyland trip on sat! took pics with my fav pooh, eeyore n tigger....they have no piglet..so sad...sat e rides both at disneyland n e california adventure park cos bot the hopper tix so can go both... at the adventure park, there were alot of cool rides, rides nv seen before! even the common ferris wheel was interesting, they added new elements n made the carriage swing like a pendulum... n when i sat e rollercoaster ride, it was e 1st time i open my eyes throughout the whole ride n even saw the whole loop! ahha i usu close my eyes cos i scared....but this time i opened my eyes n it was cool!~ ahhaha

diin buy alot of things at disney thou they have alot of cool stuff...my frenz bot quite alot of stuff thou...i only bot a keychain n a pair of eeyore earings! ahha so cute lor...

well guess tt's e fun part...e boring part was me rushing my final essay for my LGBTS module...i wrote on gays coming out in a conservative society....n now i gotta mug for my exam on thurs....

management class kinda more slack althou had alot of readings n every class is a presentation or skit...but more fun...e lecturer is damn good! ahah n we managed to change our last lesson to a party and he agreed! ahha so we all doing potluck this coming wed n we gonna have cultural exchange, so we supposed to bring food/music/clothes n other stuff tt are special to our country....the singaporeans taking the module, we are gonna bring curry and bread...got both NUS n NTU students...n we gonna cook it at one of the NTU guys hse on tues...fun!

heard mummy's sick..hope she feels beta...miss u mummy! daddy, muz take care of her k!!! i coming back soon! 2 wks more! miss u all lotx! =)

4th week

2007-07-25T16:20:00.000+08:00

4th wk was a week filled with activities...the week started out with gg to santa monica to shop n the famous cheesecake fm cheescake factory for dinner...i ate oreo chocolate mudslide cheesecake! beautifully rich n mouthwatering n oh so filling! watched a korean gay film "no regret" on wed nite for my essay....beta than the french film but still not sure wat i'm gonna write about....not tt much nudidity here, thank gdness....n theatre still filled w/ mostly men like the last time....

was supposed to go for a dodgers game on thurs but cancelled...but anyhow went to CBS to watch a free live filming of "so u think u can dance"!!! how cool is tt!!! haha had fun..n becos colours were impt for filming, juz nice my frens n i wore a gd mix of colours (me in pink n red, 1 green, 1 yellow, 2 blues, n 1 in white with red flowers) n we got to stand rite at e stage n even got to interact w/ the contestants!!! haha reali an experience...

fri we left for san diego and stayed in holiday inn express near sea world...we went to sea world, visited the beach, went to the famous san diego zoo....saw my beautiful shamu n dolphins, n my beloved polar bears!!! reali loved the sea world shows esp shamu's....so cute! makes me feel like being a killer whale or dolphin trainer... the atlantis ride was also fantastic! it was so interesting...a mix of roller coaster and plungin splash with a lift tt brings u up again for the second roller coaster ride....so cool..never had a 'lift" to bring the whole track n carriage up for the continuation of the ride....i love the ride...but so long queue!!! came back on sun by amtrak....which was very nice...had nice scenery too....

sorry to mum n dear for worrying u both cos i din inform u all about my wkend trip...made u both so worried...hehe paiseh...love u both lotx! =)

sadx...

2007-07-20T13:09:00.000+08:00

i juz quarelled w/ dear dear...like a big fight...never like this before...a mix of emotions...so scared...so irritated...n so sorry... i juz wanna wallow up in a hole n cry...trying to control cos pet pet in room oso...but there's a limit to how much one can control too....n i crossed mine...

i just want things back e way it was last time...e way he hold me in his arms n assured me tt things r gonna be ok...n tt he got it all covered...

missing u...so so much...

3rd wk in LA

2007-07-17T07:02:00.000+08:00

3rd week! din do alot...only a few exciting things...

tues went to see transformers at their local cinema where it's free seating..interesting...nv watch a movie in a theatre tt is free seating...tt's e thing here...everythin is first come first serve....a bit irritating sometimes...aniwae...e show was quite gd...bumblebee so cute! haha recognise e faces of e actors in e show tt we saw at e transformers premiere...esp e damn gd looking army guy!!! ehhe

wed class got cancelled again..yipee! did nth much thou cos frens all had midterms...i did my own readings n stuff n rested...

fri we to downtown LA to chinatown!!! ate at this sam woo restaurant that had all e hong kong food! wanton mee, e wanton was so juicy!! char siew tt was so yummy!! ate like a pig there la! but oh so worth it!!!
haha after tt, we went to DGA (Director Guild of America) to watch an Outfest movie for my LGBTS essay! watched "One to Another", a French gay film which wasnt reali gay...it's juz abt 5 pple, 4 guys n 1 gal, n they have v complicated bisexual rships with one another...manx...i dunno wat to write about it in my essay... interesting thou cos u'll nv find such shows back home.... n aniwae, we went there n e whole theatre was filled with all men..think e total no of women there were like less than 10%.....interesting.....hehehe

sat we went to Six Flags Magic Mountian!!! oh my...i scared myself silly there! at 1st, wanted to onli take mild n moderate rides cos i'm so scared of heights n all...in e end, we ended up taking max rides! n i've never taken a loop rollercoaster before, n my 1st loop rollercoaster ride ended up being a double loop plus in a flying position in Tatsu!! damn freaky! after tt we took other rides oso, but 1 tt i must mention is the Goliath where we did a 255 feet drop, followed by loops n another big drop n more loops! wow! wat an experience! somethin tt i dun think i'll do anytime soon! haha

sun we went to watch Countrywide Classic tennis match...quite ok la..just watch cos nv watch a big tennis competition live before...but wasnt so big n grand oso cos it was only the qualifying rounds...heheh tt's y it's free....e other rounds started today but hafta buy tix to enter to watch...

4th wk coming le...so mani things to do, so mani readings to catch up, so mani places still yet unseen, so many travelling plans to make...woah...tired already...

missin all at home too...especially dear...wun b able to tok to him for 1 wk cos he joined rovers camp...miss ya all! love ya all! =)

2nd wk in LA...

2007-07-09T15:05:00.000+08:00

2nd week wasnt very fantastic...except for the shopping..hehe

1st was 4th july...independence day..went all e way to marina del rey...was so crowded, some pple actually built tents n bring bbq pits there too! but e fireworks there was disappointing...e ones in spore beta...aniwae..was still an expierence to celebrate w/ their local pple tgt...

next was our lecturer cancelled class by sending an email 2 hrs b4 class! like who will read e email juz b4 class?! which ended up w/ alot of disgrunted pple in class waiting for a lecturer tt din turn up...wake up so early for nothin! bleah...

next was our wkend getaway to las vegas! we stayed at circus circus...alot of things have changed e last time i was there...like 10 over yrs ago..cant reali recognise the place le...aniwae...e weather was so so hot!!! like 40 over degrees lor! i drank a gallon of water while being there for like 2 n a half daes....we walked e strip, but din have time to cover all e hotels n all...missed some shows too...but overall still quite fun...n e shopping was terrific! alot of cheap stuff! but some stuff oso not sae v cheap...depends...but bot alot of things for dad, kor n dear! hehe din buy for mum...hahha bt she saes it's okie...ehheh oopz... aniwae the worse thin on this trip was the greyhound bus! i cant stand all e first come first serve way that they adopt! n they keep selling tix n earning $ and they dun even care if they oversell!!!! so wat happen was on our way back to LA, we had to queue up damn long, and when it got to our turn, our grp of 9 got split into half, cos no more seats on e bus, and so the other half (which includes me...) had to wait till 2 hours later for the next bus! irritating manx! bleah....luckily we met some other UCLA pple who knew their way back fm downtown greyhound station...so we followed them back...n we saw a guy rolling on e grd n peeing!!! yeeky! at least we reach back safely...sigh...2nd wk not as fantastic ya....

1st week in LA

2007-07-02T16:14:00.000+08:00

UCLA rox! ahha 1 week here le...lessons are fine...quite fun n interesting...teachers here more engaging than those back home....books here are ex manx! paper here is too! a foolscap cost like 3-4 times more than back home!!! ahha lucky i bot some over...

mani things happened in this one wk...went for the transformers premier! e red carpet premier! (they used blue carpet thou...hehe) saw all e stars, took pics w/ some! reporter took for us n asked where we from! i told him Singapore! think tt we'll get featured somewhere! so fun n exciting! 1st time...quite rare oso... took pics w/ bumblebee too...n took pics with e car they use for filming too...

fri, we went to santa monica to shop at 3rd street promenade! bot a short black lacy dress....girly, sexy, nice! alot of good deals, but wanna kepp $ for las vegas factory outlet tt we gg next wkend.....

sat went to universal studios, quite fun! played e rides n saw a lot of special effects, went into some of the studios n sets tt they filmed shows! went to desperate housewives wisteria lane n saw e houses n all....cool!~

sun went to hollywood....seriously i think it's been overated by tv shows...not tt big a deal actually...went to ripley's believe it or not odditorium there thou..it was fantastic!!! took so mani photos that camera went out of batt before we even go for walk of fame! ahhah had to borrow terina's... took photos with a lot of stars during the walk of fame...they have over 2000 stars along e whole street! harry potter's premier gonna be in hollywood on 8th july! my frenz n i wanted to go...prob be more grand than transformers...but aniwae too bad..we cant cos we gg las vegas....sadx...nvm...shop there at factory outlet to make up...hehe =p

1 wk from e last time i saw family n dear...miss them lotx....so wanna tok to them online everydae...but so hard cos of time diff...n i'm so tired tt i fell aslp while toking to dear, in front of webcam somemore!...oopz...sori... hehe so so tired....e transport system here sux...not onli is it expensive, e waiting time oso long....n thus we nearly walk everywhere....so tiring aft 1 whole dae of walking manx...

tired out...

2007-06-17T19:00:00.000+08:00

it's been reali busy for the past few weeks....having at least 2 21st birthday parties every week..then Eden came back to Singapore, staying at yan n my hse...then catching up with frens and having farewell dinners for eden, hong...and now vivienne's back in spore, so gonna catch up with her too...woah...tired sia...
this coming wk is the last wk before i fly off to US le..dear planned a whole wk of activities! so fun! oh ya...went to esplanade yesterday w/ dear to watch Pluck. NICE! ahha very humourous...v good! enjoyed myself =)
another thin is...i magage to get the ushering job @ .... that i've always wanted, but i cant go for the compulsary meeting, the lady sae i most prob hafta come back next yr for interview again! sucks! juz cos i miss a meeting? sigh... so many things happening this coming 2 months that i gonna be away...sigh..y?.....

walking together...

2007-05-04T11:27:00.000+08:00

" i want to walk with you forever..."

i wanna walk with u too... =)

security...

2007-04-29T16:26:00.000+08:00

was toking to bro (ah bao) about relationships today during our subway lunch...

conclusion --> the most impt thing that a gal needs in a rship is security....

looking back at my own experiences....this is the rship that i feel most secured so far....the others were less secured...i dunno y...mayb cos i think too much? mayb cos i was too young? mayb our lives arent gg the same direction? religious probs? i dunno... but now btwn me n dear...i find it more stable n secure...i guess we kinda understand each other more too by talking and we know what are each other's expectations of one another and how we think and feel...so i guess it's much beta...well..hope everything ends up well... =)

Indulgence...

2007-04-27T23:14:00.000+08:00

both our papers ended 11am this morn...went out for lunch after our papers ended...still have exams on mon...but studied alot this wk so muz reward myself! had a dining voucher for this restaurant so went to check it out...it's at Cathay B1...The Indulge....nice ambience n GREAT food! the layout and the plates they use are all very unique, and the dishes are very creative n yummy! no wonder they won awards for their dishes! I love the prawns sidedish that we tried! marvellous! *saliva dripping* a must try!!! took some photos, i'll upload later when i have the time... After that, we walk walk and ate ice cream *grinzz* ...then later went to see my tiffany colleagues too...mayb gg back there to wk too...see how....
ate good food and had dear dear's company the whole day....feeling satisfied and elated =) now...back to studying!!!

touched by an angel...

2007-03-30T00:51:00.000+08:00

when somebody stays up with you, sacrifices his time and sleep just for you...you cant help but feel touched by his actions....
when u know tt he'll always be there for u and never fail to let you down...u know tt he cares n u feel secure.
thank you =)

smilez

2007-03-21T02:28:00.000+08:00

laughin mouth alwayz open... =)

i love my big foot frog!! hehe

down...

2007-02-25T23:37:00.000+08:00

sianx...the feeling is here again...it's the kind of feeling whereby u noe u can do beta but yet u din...disappointing pple n urself n therefore letting go of chances...i M interested in IT and i noe i can do it...but i juz dunno y these few times under observation, i seem to have done everythin wrong n i juz had to do it in her presence...n it's like the more i dun wan things to go wrong, the more it goes wrong...ARGH!! i have performed before n i WILL perform again!!! JIA YOU!
if it is Your will, let me do it...

hurt...

2007-02-15T21:52:00.000+08:00

"dont talk to me for the rest of the nite!"
did u noe tt tt sentence hurt? n wat did i do to deserve tt? all i did was to ask u if u missed me...so long din cya le cos u went back home last nite...missed ya n was oso worried for ya...n this was ur reply to me...so sad...i dun believe i deserved tt biting remark...n i oso dunno y u said it...if u wd but juz tok it out..mayb u'll feel beta too...i reali care for u...sigh...i'll leave ya alone juz as u requested...will wait for u to tok to me again...i'm here for u if u need...

every little thing...

2006-12-13T23:27:00.000+08:00

i cant pretend tt i'm not affected everytime u call me 'girl', cos i m...i reali am...i juz cant help feeling e way i feel when i hear it...it's like sticking a dagger throu my heart n e whole ambience is juz spoilt...i hate it when it happens...

i wish i cd be...every little thing u wanted...all e time...

koalas!

2006-12-09T17:32:00.000+08:00

koala... =)

open e floodgates...

2006-11-29T18:11:00.000+08:00

i just wanna crawl into a hole, curl up n let it all flow...

Beatles - Help!

2006-11-25T17:06:00.000+08:00

Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me?

And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
My independence seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then I feel so insecure,
I know that I just need you like I've never done before.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me.

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me, oh.

disappointed...

2006-11-25T16:55:00.000+08:00

y does it alwayz happen?...i hate it when pple gets my hopes high only to crush it the next moment! dun offer if u have no intention of doing it...it juz hurts more...juz sae 'no' straight out...it'll feel less painful...dun..dun ever do it...again...

insensitive comments...

2006-11-22T03:01:00.000+08:00

ur insensitive comments hurt...they reali did...was quite surprised that u actually said stuff like tt....u were all e while sensitive to pple's feelings n all...todae was like everythin u said was biting...dunno y u said e stuff u said...
does it matter if one gets all 'A's?! so wat if i have nv gotten an A? it doesnt mean tt i cant start gettin As....nor does it give u the right to put me down like tt...u think u v smart? then go get ur As la...but u dun have to comment on pple tt dun get nor do u have to put them down cos it doesnt serve any purpose does it?! unless it boosts ur own ego...then all i can sae is tt u're a MCP n gd luck to u in e society...cos comments like urs juz puts pple off...

in tears...

2006-11-07T00:41:00.000+08:00

the first time u make me cry...
just over a wk...
felt so sad juz now...went specially to find u, n u keep asking me to study...i did...n i went to find u cos i missed u...fine...i wun come anymore...n if i dun come find u, u oso wun come find me...so i guess we wun see each other for e time being...
din u noe i was irritated juz now? i ask u dun send me back, u reali dun send me back?! sigh...how stupid can men be...dun u even wanna find out y i angry? =''(
i'm sorry for bugging u...guess i go find u too often le...thnx for e herbal drink...bye
time to turn cactus...

smile...dun cry...

2006-11-02T20:41:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry for all that i've done to u...n for everythin i said to u todae...i'm sorry tt i made u cry...i'm sorry tt it had to come to this end...

thnx for coming to pei me when i'm feelin down...thnx for all e sweet things u've done for me...juz one request...dun call me 'girl'....makes me feel as if u still miss her...i'm sorry if i sound jealous..but i dun wan to be called smtg which u have called her for 4 over years...feel...like a sub? i dunno...feels weird...n aniwae tt's wat my parents call me n u aint my parent...

顺其自然。。。

2006-10-24T00:07:00.000+08:00

happy
bliss
thnx for all e sweet things u're done for me...
a bit confused too
feel like e gal in e show we watched
dunno wat's to come...
anticipating yet dreading it...
hehe...顺其自然 bah... =)

the end...

2006-10-16T15:02:00.000+08:00

juz replied to his email...
sad
heartbroken
confused
lost
floodgates are open...once again...so often these few weeks...
feel vulnerable
i'm not as strong as i seem...
guess it reali is over
sorry
forgive me..
it's all my fault...
i love u ...still...

我的心好乱

2006-10-15T01:20:00.000+08:00

当爱情由浓转淡
再说什么已太晚
不管心里多遗憾
让你离开别阻搁
若是爱让你有负担
说明白吧别隐瞒
你心不在了怎么办
何不就在这里散
当爱已不在温暖
它只是牵泮
又何苦让它再纠缠
哦!再纠缠
天空为何那么暗
爱情为何那么难
谁能告诉我答案
现在我的心好乱

beautiful words...fm my other love guru...haha

wise words...

2006-10-14T22:21:00.000+08:00

tt guy doesnt realli understand the meaning of love
if he realli love u or like
he shld let u go
loving someone is when u know that wad u do will make that person happy
loving someone is respecting that person
loving someone is accepting that person
u just haven meet this person

wise words from my love guru eh? hehe sigh...juz hope tt person tt i am to meet will walk throu my door...

sadx...

2006-10-14T20:27:00.000+08:00

i lost something again! argh! i lost one side of my favourite chandalier earring on the bus home!! *sobx* it was my fav earring for the past 4 years...=( called the bus terminal le...so far no sign of it...silly bus uncle that pick up my call keep laughing when i tell him it's an earring n then he laugh even more when i sae it's only 1 side....silly uncle! i so sad le he still laugh! sigh...guess i can wear my new earrings...maybe the saying is true...if the old dont go, the new cant come...

i've lost my heart...

2006-10-14T15:32:00.000+08:00

喔，算了吧...就这样忘了吧, 该放就放...再想也没有用.
saw ya today...u waited for me at e walkway...u wanted to talk..talk we did...u also made me cry...n u kinda spoilt my whole day...not tt it's totally ur fault...partly mine too...i've made up my mind...y cant u accept it? stop pressuring me...

sigh..these few days are not e best of days...still having flu...nose still both runny n blocked as n when it likes...lost one side of my earring after yest's shifting of sets =( and i juz found out today my anklet's little dangling heart is gone! think it was during yest's sets too.. *sobx* my fav anklet.....-i've lost my heart-.....
anklets...they have a v special meaning to me...

你很好 - 阿杜

2006-10-05T14:08:00.000+08:00

你很好不是我不知道
很多时候你是我的骄傲
我不好其实你也知道
很多时候我感觉自己很渺小
你很好这我早就知道
很多时候落在我的衣撩
我不好虽然你也知道
但你越好我会逃的越早
太好也是不好
好到变成烦恼
我只能感谢你的好
太好也是不好
结局就很糟糕
虽然你最好
我却是最苦恼

irritated n wounded...

2006-10-05T01:42:00.000+08:00

oops...kinda got pissed juz now during sets then kinda moody aft tt...sorry to CG...today was not a gd day...1st was e meeting with 'him' n e talk we had earlier in e day...then at sets, my hand was in between e wood and zinc plate, n some stupid big fat buffalo went to step on it...luckily my hand was almost out...but part of my skin at e side of my hand was 'kiap'...tt was wat tt made me pissed...cant u look before doing things?! goodness...safety first can! it hurts lor.... then later CG accidently hit my hand (same hand!!) with wood! damn pain! now swollen... =( then later i got another 3 cuts fm e zinc plates...2 on my leg n 1 on my finger (same hand!!)...goodness...such a horrible day...sianz...
to CG...i think i noe wat u are thinking of but i can tell u....it's not wat u think it is...i have too many things to handle le then to care abt tt big fat buffalo (forgive me...i'm still irritated thus e name calling =p) so dun think too much...btw....i kinda cancelled tt weird guy's request to add me on msn! haha oops! hope he dun call again....n last of all...thnx to both CG n ZJ for caring...u both have made stayin in hall more fun n interesting! =)

no thank you...

2006-10-04T18:04:00.000+08:00

why is it you alwayz dont get wat i'm saying? sigh..it's tiring sometimes to explain everythin i'm saying after saying it....there's seriously a break in communication here...y is that so...? is it cos we talk abt more serious stuff than we use to? or is it just me? this sem, i'm reali too bz...i need some space for myself n my family...u finally understood tt i needed space after 2 mths n u did give me space every now n then...now it's starting again...stop doing the things that u do cos it's pressurizing me to commit much more than i can...din we agree to juz remain frens? u made me promise that we have lunch tgt at least once a wk...i say i'll try...but i dunno if i'm able to...sometimes i'm too bz that i even skip lunch...and aniwae...m i leading u on when i agreed? m i too soft? i dun wan this to drag le...too long...too tiring...too much things to do than to keep worrying abt this...n worryin abt u...pls put studies before everythin else...not wk, not me before it...pls...cant u see that finishing ur studies sd b e first priority?!
i'm so tired...with sch, with family stuff, with wk, with hall commitments, with tuition, with 'him'.... i need a break! i need some time for MYSELF!!! i need some me time...i need to pamper myself....bring on the chocolates and ice cream!!! sigh..is it stress? keep eating chocolates...putting on wg too...sigh...wateva!~ chocolates make me happy when i'm down....sometimes all i need is a rock to lean on...
listening to a sad love song as i type this...e flood gates are open...beyond control...beyond reason...

confused...so very confused...

2006-09-27T02:14:00.000+08:00

everything is so luan now...i oso dunno wat's gg on...problems with both rship n frenz...
rship...tuo le for abt 3/4 yr le...when will it end...u tell me to get myself a bf then u will si xin...but i cant do that till i've settled this between us...and u keep asking me to show u more concern...i can, but only as a fren...but that isnt enough for u is it??? i dun wanna hurt ur feelings nor do i wanna lead u on...pls let go...
frenz...y do u keep blowing hot n cold? u were e one hu keeping askin me out yet u r oso e one who ended it...sometimes dunno wat u wan oso...u have changed...u dun sae wat u think or feel, u juz keep quiet n show me attitude, then how am i to know wat u wan??!! plus i cant reali tok 2 u abt it since most of the time i tok to u on msn or sms end up toking to her instead cos she using ur phone/com to act as u to tok 2 me...makes me not even wanna type anythin cos wat's e pt if it doesnt get to u?! u dont even seem to care oso so mayb i sdnt even care too... n u juz ignored me juz now when i called ur name..i noe u heard cos u turned ur head a bit but tt was it, u juz din care... mayb u juz wan me outta ur life...fine...u can have ur life back...
thnx for e memories e past few wks...

be thankful...

2004-10-31T01:23:00.000+08:00

some treasure e gifts n msges tt are received fm close ones while some treasure those fm pple tt they are not close to becos of e pleasant feeling of surprise tt comes w/ e gifts/msges bcos he/she actually gave u smtg even thou he/she is not close 2 ya...now...which one are u?

be glad of every single gift n msg u receive, no matter how small or simple it may seem....becos e fact tt u received it shows tt u were on his/her mind or he/she wdnt have bot smtg 4 u or sent u a msg....so be thankful...

shrugs

2004-10-29T01:30:00.000+08:00

loneliness....it's a feeling tt juz grips at u n leave u feeling cold n aloof....it's smtg i dun think any sane human being wd wish for...

sometimes i juz feel like i'm taken for granted or all tt i do is not appreciated...haiz...dun reali noe how 2 sae oso...but haiz...wateva...mayb i sdnt care animore...

thinking aloud...

2004-10-24T17:37:00.000+08:00

hmmm...is it fair to sae tt another human being is ugly? no...i dun think so... i'm a christian and thus i believe that God is our creator n that He makes everyone in his own image...and thus to sae tt someone is ugly...is indirectly criticising God...yupz...hope that everyone keep tt in mind ya...

joke

2004-10-20T11:07:00.000+08:00

hehe a joke tt surfaced throu our laming in sch yest...
me: "ms toh, wat will come out for our GP in A Levels?"
ms toh: " tou hui chu" (everythin will come out)
haha tot it was funny...hehe lame la...i came up w/ it aft qs said her name sounded like tou hui chu (hehe maybe only my class pple will get e joke...)...hehe haiz yest quite fun la....go sch study then study halfway stupid qs tempted us with a game of cluedo...n we fell for e bait....hahah....this few daes are gonna b so boring...study study n more study! my 1st paper gonna be nxt mon...on e 25th...physics prac...but i think bio prac starting tmr la...so fast manx...so scary....still dun feel prepared lehz...n i'm slackin here rite? hehe *guilty* okok sd get back 2 studying le...see ya later alligator....say hi to exams! HI *waves vigorously* ok being spastic....i'm bored la...okie dokie...tata for now...
GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE TAKING O'S & A'S!!!

The reason

2004-10-09T19:43:00.000+08:00

The Reason by Hoobastank

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

nice song eh....a song dedicated by someone....

boring...

2004-10-09T19:31:00.000+08:00

hey hey....hehe tot i'll juz update a lil on my boring life...it's so boring tt's y i got nth 2 write abt....hmmm....this coming fri is farewell assembly n aft tt is A's le....so scary....cant believe 2 yrs juz fly by so fast....oh ya...gonna go up stage receive prize 4 perfect score...wanna wear blazer but in e end still dun get 2 wear...they ask us wear white long sleeve only...sianz....silly yu ting laugh at me coz she wore it 3 times le...lucky gal! haha but then again i seem 2 b e onli guai tai tt wanna wear it....hehe
nowadays so boring....keep studying n slping n watchin a lil tv here n there....mum keep scolding me 4 watching 2 much tv...bleh...guess i hafta really cut down before we have another major quarelling session....
body aching now....these few days excercised a lot...tt day on wed...we played badminton, then soccer, then badminton again...all with three diff grps of aj teachers....din noe tt aj teachers actually so active manx...they play every wk somemore juz tt we din noe till last wk...so we played w/ e badminton teachers 2 times le...think might b playin this wed again...then yest played basketball aft chem test...then today met yx n jx at 0730 (so early! those silly buggers make me wake up)then they bring me go run ard hougang n IMH there(woodbridge....we were trying 2 find ah soh....hehe)...yupz....n tt's e end of my boring dae....

results

2004-09-28T01:52:00.000+08:00

today got back a few papers....chem was ok...thank goodness 4 prac....phy was horrible...damn e mcq! maths is a goner! oh manx...this is a horrible prelims! bro said tt he'll grant me a wish...any wish if i cd get at least 1 A in e prelims...looks like my wish has gone down e drain...damn...y din he tell me b4 e prelims?!
oh ya...2dae go 2 sch...see so mani pple face so red...hehe...so funny...coz we went sentosa on sat...both odac n class...odac 2 celebrate zm n yx's bdaes....class pple 2 go there n relax...n erm...to play monkey? haha esp aft babitch went there? n wenjie n becomed even darker! think even whitening lotion cannot help her le...hehe =p
today went out w/ cheryl...ate AJ ice 2gether...cannot finish! left over so much! oh ya..then tmr my class pple coming my hse...gonna watch vcd, have dinner then ti teng long ard my estate...haha so cute..think tmr will b fun!
i noe it seems as if we having hol le...think hafta get back on track soon...like wat mr neo neo sae " i noe u all will destress, but dun take 2 long ah..." bleh!

a beautiful day...

2004-09-25T23:37:00.000+08:00

the same thing happened today this yr as it did a yr ago....will it happen 4 e nxt few yrs 2? i hope not...
btw...today's his bdae...went out, did alot of things n toked abt alot of things...cleared some misunderstandings abt e past yr....overall it was a gd dae.... -smilez-

bored...

2004-08-09T17:36:00.000+08:00

dying of boredom at home...did some wk 2dae...sianz...got no where 2 go..aniwae cant go...mum's sick...sigh..hope she gets beta...
btw...HAPPY BDAE SINGAPORE!!! thnx 4 the hol tmr! =)

clouds roll by, time fly by...faceless faces in dreamless nitez...

beautiful song...

2004-07-31T13:29:00.000+08:00

Journey
by Angela Zhang/Jill Xu

It's a long long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long long journey
And I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you

Many days I've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong

I know I will falter I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long long journey
And I need to be close to you

Sometimes it feels no one understands
I don't even know why
I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through?

Cause It's a long long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on calvary
Beneath those stormy skies
When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
Cause It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you ... to you

u do give me flowers...

2004-07-29T21:40:00.000+08:00

he asked. i replied. let the fairy tale begin.... =)

???

2004-07-26T19:43:00.000+08:00

is the rd in front of us straight or izzit curvin on ur side?

pensive...

2004-07-14T21:17:00.000+08:00

hearing guang liang's "di yi chi" now...so touching...so sad...v sweet song... haiz...dunno wat i wan oso la...so confused...i dun even noe wat i'm thinking animore nowadays....juz floating ard... i noe tt i sd conc on studeies 1st...trying 2 do that...juz tt in a small sch like mine...we meet ever so often...n i reali dunno wat 2 do...aniwae i chose this road n i sd juz walk on w/o looking back...rite? it's hard...but i'll try.... "You dun give me flowers animore..."

results all back!

2004-07-09T19:50:00.000+08:00

got all my results back le...sux...parents aint hapi n i'm not thrilled either...sheez....got a BOE...alamak...how 2 go U like tt?! haiz...gotta study harder manx...gotta push myself....common man! Jia You!!!

brain overworked...

2004-06-24T20:45:00.000+08:00

the common tests are coming...die le....still have a lot 2 study...confirm cannot finish in time AGAIN! haiz...i keep saying i'll start earlier but still see no such improvement...sigh.... the past few daes spent in sch whole dae studying w/ darlin, xiaomei, qs, zhide n his band frenz...come home, have dinner, watch show n try 2 study again....wat an exciting life dunch u think?! bleh! sadx...i'm becoming a nerd!!! ahah sianx.... but luckily came out of the hse 2 study or else i keep playing comp games n stuff...tt dae qs tt slacker intro me this webby 2 play game...got hooked on it..stupid guy..all his fault! haha aniwae...HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAE SELINA aka SQUID! ahah cheryl's fav nickname 4 her eh...ahha manx...miss ya alll guys lotz...

fazed out

2004-06-17T12:03:00.000+08:00

hello...this is a trial!

*Twinkle

reminiscence

inconsistency and biasness

ramblings...

freedom!!

updates...

dec updates

Who Am I

1 year...

6th wk and 7th wk

5th wk

4th week

sadx...

3rd wk in LA

2nd wk in LA...

1st week in LA

tired out...

walking together...

security...

Indulgence...

touched by an angel...

*smilez*

down...

hurt...

every little thing...

koalas!

open e floodgates...

Beatles - Help!

disappointed...

insensitive comments...

in tears...

smile...dun cry...

顺其自然。。。

the end...

我的心好乱

wise words...

sadx...

i've lost my heart...

你很好 - 阿杜

irritated n wounded...

no thank you...

confused...so very confused...

be thankful...

*shrugs*

thinking aloud...

joke

The reason

boring...

results

a beautiful day...

bored...

beautiful song...

u do give me flowers...

???

pensive...

results all back!

brain overworked...

fazed out

smilez

shrugs